"Judge not, that you be
not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the
measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck that is
in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or
how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your
eye," when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the
log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of
your brother's eye." (Matthew. 7:1-5)
According to famous
German novelist, Hermann Hesse,[1] “If you hate a person, you
hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves
doesn’t disturb us.”
Everytime one sees of
her/himself being judgmental of others, they are, in fact, judging themselves.
One who’s pointing her/his
blaming index finger to someone, points her/his three fingers to her/himself.
Does it mean that if
she/he hates the rapist, the war criminal, the unreasonable perjurer, she/he is
identifying her/himself with these people as well? Not essentially. What Hesse
was insinuating to, and what Freud and Jung implied
to before him, is that type of aversion has a very specific oomph.
Hating significant others mirrors who we are as a person
This particular person
who expresses abhorrence towards significant others is being sparked by another
individual in a way that's compulsive and almost illogical.
When one dislikes the
same kind of people wherever they go, what one hates in them is likely
something she/he finds objectionable about her/himself.
Every so often what one
thinks a shortcoming in other people drives one’s buttons or traces aspects of
her/himself that require care.
Think of the mother who
nips her child on mealtime when the latter craves another portion of food, but jams
her plate a second or third time; her child's gluttony confronts her personal tough
association with chow. It's the mother’s duplicity that hates her child to
teach the kid not to hit other people, or the homophobic person who conceals
homosexual tendencies.
Debbie Ford,[2] an American self-help
author, coach, lecturer, teacher and most known for New York Times best-selling
book says that we see only that which we are. She shares, visualize having a
hundred different electrical outlets on the chest. Every outlet typifies a diverse
quality. The qualities that one recognized and embraced have cover plates over
them. They are harmless; no electricity runs through them. On the other hand, the
qualities that are not unacceptable with someone, which she/he has not yet
owned, do have a charge. Thus, when others emerge who behave out of one of these
qualities they plug right into them.
What if scrutinizing
those that she/he hates is the right route as a model of learning new things? Carl
Jung said that anything that annoys anyone about others can lead her/him to an
understanding of her/himself. Examining those that one dislikes is as significant
to progressing her/himself as studying their examples. Every person is one’s
mirror. If anyone embraces this and apply it to all relationships, they'll be undeniably
transfigured by this basic wisdom.
Recognize what it is
about significant others that sparks such a weighty emotional reaction and there’s
a realization.
Oftentimes, one clenches
others to a standard she/he imposes on her/himself. If one’s indolent colleague
for example is getting on her/his nerves, perhaps it’s because one develops the
notion that only by laboring extra hard does her/his significant others merit a
space in the industry. She/he who hates a
lazy co-worker does not allow decelerated speed, and if a fellow worker doesn't
match her/his amount of dedication, her/his colleague is unacceptable.
Interactive and Compassionate Heart as a Healthy Approach
By human’s interactions
with others, everybody arrives at understanding themselves progressively. If
one can identify what it is that she/he dislikes so much about others and recognize
why it vibrates so intensely with her/him, tolerance is most likely to develop.
Someone who can accept this is who she/he is and then develop on what they
could mend to be more at home with the individual they see in the mirror each
day.
Make an effort by
looking at each significant others as unique and complete, just as he/she is.
Begin with yourself and spread the compassion everywhere, on social network, in
school, in workplace, in the community. Others
can't help being who they are, just as anyone can't help being who they are
most of the time. The only approach to be at home with the features that one
like less in her/himself is to recognize them, embrace them and take accountability
in them.[3] One could only feel complete by embracing both all of personal and significant others' facets and be ready for transformation, looking at each one's turning points as a model of hope.
References:
[1]
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